I’m so well versed in Whole Foods’ and Trader Joe’s offerings that when I venture into Giant Iggle or ShurSave or even the Shop ‘n’ Save down on Butler between Remedy and the zoo, I’m often shocked. Shocked, I tell you. Last night – following Bites and Brews for a whole wheat crust/banana pepper/jalapeno/broccoli/olive pizza pie – I stopped into the “Market District” Giant Eagle on Centre and dropped my jaw over this sign: “New Age Beverages.” Like, what, Enya-endorsed ginger root tea sweetened with local Tupelo honey and the tears of a 115-year-old yogi?

Not terribly off the mark.

Calorie-free fruit flavored water.